2018: A Reflection

December 28, 2018

To say that 2018 was a rough year would be an understatement. 2018 has completely surprised me in every aspect of being surprised. This year has been an eye opening one and has put me through the toughest and also yet most rewarding experience is my life. It feels like I've been running all year and I am ready for the finish line, whether that be a good finish or a bad one, I'm ready to end this year. 

 

2018 started out somewhat painful, back in late January I was diagnosed of Patellofemoral Syndrome caused by the way I positioned my feet when I stand, affecting the tissues in my knee and causing my knee cap to move out of it's position. Whenever I walk, my knee cap keeps popping making it impossible to walk without somewhat limping. This has somewhat dampened my year already as I had leave my barista job at Mountain Mercato. Seeing as working there involved standing all shift and lots of walking around, which meant that I won't be able to make nice, cute and delicious lattes. That also meant that I started doing physiotherapy to alleviate some of the pain. I have never been in that situation where I felt fragile, physically broken. I know others have been through much worst, but I'm a wuss, so yeah.

Of course whenever a bad thing happens, there must be a good thing that comes to it. That good thing was my friend Jessie. After being away from Canmore for years, she moved back and when we met up, I've never realized that we had that strong of a connection. With Jarumy going back to Mexico and Danah being in Edmonton all the time, having Jessie here in Canmore made living in Canmore much more bearable. She accompanied me to some of my most beautiful/proudest photoshoots and helped me through some of my roughest moments this year.

 

 Then in May I got the chance to go back home to the Philippines after 9 years. We spent 10 days there, filled with visiting family, meeting up with old friends and a small trip around nearby provinces in Manila. We had a Razon Family reunion, also got to visit my great-grandmother and my grandmother's resting place. Lastly, we got to visit my childhood home, which was such a nostalgic experience.

As part of this May trip, we did a 3 day trip in Hong Kong. We went to Disneyland Hong Kong and at Victoria Peak. I felt some kind of accomplishment as my ultimate goal in life is to travel and being able to cross off Hong Kong on my list was a very proud and happy moment.

Another good thing that has happened to me was getting promoted to Front Desk Supervisor and moved to a new property within the company. Beginning of March I applied for the Sales Representative position in the company, after weeks of waiting our VP reached out to me to set up an interview (which was the scariest interview I've ever had so far). Even though I didn't get the position I applied, getting this supervisor position was totally unexpected, but it is one of the best news I've heard from work. It is a nice feeling when your workplace sees and appreciates your hard work and the blood and sweat you give to your job.

 

But of course, you can only have so much good things before the bad things starts happening again. After coming back from my vacation, I had a whirlwind of a summer involving trying to do as much summer activities while balancing work, family, friends and relationship. Don't get me wrong, I did enjoy all the fun things I got to do over the summer, but by the end of it, I just felt exhausted mentally and physically. Also I have come to a realization that I have let someone completely break my trust which was painful. I entered a relationship where it was very one-sided and with a person who I took the chance to be with not knowing any certainty of what would come out of it. We all enter relationships hoping that there would be some kind of "good" end to it if it ever comes to an end. I just didn't expect this one to end that way.

On top of that I was hit by another obstacle a month later, this time involving my work (I call it the "October incident"). I try not to go on detail as to what happened, but let just say that my work and reputation in the company was jeopardize after someone basically screwed me over (work wise). After recovering from a heartbreak this was another and I guess even more painful heartbreak. I was completely blindsided by this incident, putting a huge strain on a friendship and even reached the point where I am completely scared to trust people now.

 

With all this happening, I went to a state of somewhat sad and depressed asking God what have I done to deserve this. I know it's kinda dramatic but it did feel like a breaking point where I might as well pull a 2007 Britney Spears. I sought help from my very dear friends and my always impromptu-personal psychologist Elisa. This was a time that I got to reflect on everything that has happened to me and learned to accept that I do have issues. Whether that be trust issues, intimacy issues and struggles with overthinking. I decided to write down all of these thoughts which I did post in my blog and somewhat felt like some weight was taken off me. Seeing as I have all these thoughts lingering in my head and I was finally able to let it out at least in this way for now.

People say that when going through something that people should leave their hair alone, I didn't. I thought getting one haircut will do it, but over the last couple of weeks the October incident hasn't died down instead it got worst. So again I got another haircut, which was even closer to 2007 Britney, but not before having somewhat of an emotional breakdown. I confided to my mom and told her that the October incident has taken a toll on me and that I can't seem to function the same and my overthinking got worse. I told her that I have dreams where I'd be yelling and screaming because of how angry I am and that if there is a small incident happening at work I'm automatically scared and felt traumatized because of this.

 

It did feel like what happened over the last months of 2018 completely over shadowed the fun times I had this year. I think that this was somewhat of a test from God to see that I'm strong enough to withstand whatever problem thrown at me. For my family and the people who became my rock this year I'm very thankful for everything. I just want to let you know that without your motivation and encouraging words, I probably wouldn't make it to the end of 2018 with any hair. So THANK YOU!

2018 may have taught me love, taught me patience, and taught me pain, and next year I'll be amazing. So 2018... THANK U, NEXT!

 

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